Oklahoma is the widest flattest state in mid-west America and therefore has the most obnoxious weather ever. Temperature is absolutely crazy and varies by 20, 60, 40, 80. One time I was having picnic outside on a very lovely Saturday morning and 20 minutes later, I saw a cow 10 miles down the road turning and twisting in a tornado. Believe me, it’s fucking weird! Even if you watch the news, it’s like “This just in, hillbilly viewership down. Bob, what’s coming on the weather ?“…”Well according to our recent predictions, we still have no fucking clue. Prepare yourself for a hurricane or a warm sunny day.”
But don’t get me wrong. People are indebted to this weather. This other time this woman was telling me how wise of me it was to not live in Oklahoma because of its terrible boredom and weather. I said “honey, be thankful for if you didn’t have the weather you guys 9 out of 10 had nothing to talk about”. I don’t know why they don’t like me in Oklahoma.
In any case people around are by large nothing more than a simpleton gull crowd and unlike the popular belief, great majority of Americans are religious hard-working people, some have lived their entire lives in the small town they were born and Oklahoma is no exception. First, OK is home of the long lost beauty queens from the 20s. It’s like playboy mansion for the elderly. You see oldies hanging out doing shit to each other in public at Walmart and wearing outfit that they shoulda never done. It's a fucking crime for Pete' sake!.
Second, You’d see churches everywhere…fucking everywhere in all shapes and sizes and colors. Even Jesus would go “this is fucking annoying.” But there you have it, people that become so severe in their belief they’d come to your door at 5am on a Sunday with a (Southern accent) “Have you found Jesus?” and you just wanna come to the door nude and say “No, help me look for him. Come on!”
Yet another popular "activity" in OK is dining out. Next to any church, you’re guaranteed to find a fast-food restaurant…and these people eat like there’s no tomorrow. It’s scary ‘cause except God there aint shit to do in OK but eat. I’m starting to think which is which you know ? Put a McDonald next to a church to attract audience or vice versa ?! Anyhow, one thing is for sure in Oklahoma. The fatter you are, the closer you are to God.
So how do you deal with obesity ? Of course, you put Southwest Airlines in charge. Why ? ‘cause it’s the same airline that tells you “Excuse me, sir. You are not fat here. You are horizontally challenged.” Miserable, big people now have to buy two seats. The problem is they are not together!. So what are you gonna do ? put your tits in the overhead rack ? They don’t seem to mind.
But don’t get me wrong. People are indebted to this weather. This other time this woman was telling me how wise of me it was to not live in Oklahoma because of its terrible boredom and weather. I said “honey, be thankful for if you didn’t have the weather you guys 9 out of 10 had nothing to talk about”. I don’t know why they don’t like me in Oklahoma.
In any case people around are by large nothing more than a simpleton gull crowd and unlike the popular belief, great majority of Americans are religious hard-working people, some have lived their entire lives in the small town they were born and Oklahoma is no exception. First, OK is home of the long lost beauty queens from the 20s. It’s like playboy mansion for the elderly. You see oldies hanging out doing shit to each other in public at Walmart and wearing outfit that they shoulda never done. It's a fucking crime for Pete' sake!.
Second, You’d see churches everywhere…fucking everywhere in all shapes and sizes and colors. Even Jesus would go “this is fucking annoying.” But there you have it, people that become so severe in their belief they’d come to your door at 5am on a Sunday with a (Southern accent) “Have you found Jesus?” and you just wanna come to the door nude and say “No, help me look for him. Come on!”
Yet another popular "activity" in OK is dining out. Next to any church, you’re guaranteed to find a fast-food restaurant…and these people eat like there’s no tomorrow. It’s scary ‘cause except God there aint shit to do in OK but eat. I’m starting to think which is which you know ? Put a McDonald next to a church to attract audience or vice versa ?! Anyhow, one thing is for sure in Oklahoma. The fatter you are, the closer you are to God.
So how do you deal with obesity ? Of course, you put Southwest Airlines in charge. Why ? ‘cause it’s the same airline that tells you “Excuse me, sir. You are not fat here. You are horizontally challenged.” Miserable, big people now have to buy two seats. The problem is they are not together!. So what are you gonna do ? put your tits in the overhead rack ? They don’t seem to mind.
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